Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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