so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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