Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
