omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
