omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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