just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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