Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize