If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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