I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
