ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
