The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
