It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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