I met the friendliest cop last night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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