So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You pole danced in your parka.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
