Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
