then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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