The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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