dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
