I will die if light touches me.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
