Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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