If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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