Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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