so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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