i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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