ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
