my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
