it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
