spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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