I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
