sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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