that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
