when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
