i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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