Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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