I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
