What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Congratulations! We have a period
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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