I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
