textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
