He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
