the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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