FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish I only lived at night.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
