Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo

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(540): View more from Virginia

Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system

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(256): View more from Alabama

Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk

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25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened

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(316): View more from Kansas

My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.

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(503): View more from Oregon

iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that

(517): View more from Michigan

Speaking

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes

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