He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
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Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!