there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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