I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.