I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
