Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
