Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
