Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize