Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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