So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
