And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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