Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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