I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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