So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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