Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
