he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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