I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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