HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
