Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
