yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
