It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
