Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
