We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
