For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
