I skipped work to stalk him.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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