My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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