i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
