dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
