Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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