There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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