Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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