dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just gargled with NyQuil
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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