And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
