U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
