I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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