yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
