Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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