I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
