I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
