I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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