ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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