I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize