The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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